Counting Love

What do you do with so much love? He asked

I smiled and counted on my ten fingers

The first one is for my parents
They raised me to be a hell.of a daughter
And i wouldnt leave them, stranding ever

The second one is for my grandparents
Without whom nothing really made sense
When mom.scolded or i felt scared
I would walk to them
Their shadow was enough
To drive away the ghosts

The third one for my siblings
They are my rock
Althought, i am hit by the same.rock
And sometimes i want to throw one on them
Nevertheless, its endless love

The fourth for my extended family
My cousins, brothers in law
Who make my life a little better

The fifth one is for my friend
The one who.polished me
Nice and shiny
The one who peeled layers of insecurities and vulnerabilities
Chipping my dead self
Allowing me to glow from inside

The sixth one is for my husband
He technically made my life better
Of course, he isnt what i imagined him to be
But may be im not what he imagined me to be
So I leave it there,  accepting it is what it is

The seventh one is for my in-laws
Even toxicity needs love
My father in law - a gem of a person
Sometimes I wonder did we fail to understand him
My mother in law - a struggler
But i would also take.the liberty to say
A trauma survivor
And then the stories never end
My extended family
Who is a like a family
Nothing much to talk about

The eighth one
For my daughter
She never fails to.impress me
With all that she is vocal about
She believes in
Her thoughts,  her perception

The ninth for my son
The artist, the explorer
The inquisitive bundle of joy

The tenth for people
I meet in life
Giving them.smiles
Along the journey of life

He smiled and asked me
Where's love for yourself?
And i closed my fingers
To make it  a fist 

The Most Selfish

 You know of all the things in the Universe

Death is the most selfish

It snatches you ultimately to itself

Baring nothing to anyone

Just bits and pieces of memories

If you were lucky to love people

Else it cruelly digs its claws

Into every fiber of your being

Plucking all the beautiful things

from you

And the loss resonates

with everyone who is alive

and witness you going far away

Then they wish death upon themselves

But, you know the funny thing about Death

It doesn't come in pairs

It only picks one

and leave the rest to tumble and fall

in the abyss of loneliness

Marking a sense of absence

everywhere it smiles

This is a poem about Unloving...

This is a poem not about loving

But about Unloving

How does someone unlove?

Have you given this a thought?

Do you unlove someone when they are

Alive or Dead?

Do we unlove someone 
thinking about unloving them everyday?

Or

Do we unlove someone

slowly, peeling layer after layer of memories?

Or

Do we unlove someone,

in the spur-of-the-moment,

like how we fell in love

Maa told me every day

How she loved  my father

In the manner, he took care of us

In the manner, he saved and secured us

In the manner he behaves in public

She told me this a million times

Sometimes, I felt it was a verbal affirmation to herself.

Sometimes, when she thought I didn't notice

I noticed how she half-heartedly smiled at his jokes

Gave him the attention of the hour

Without feeling it in her bones

Put him on a pedestal

And worshipped him every day

with her eyes closed

Whom did she see with her eyes closed?

Only she could answer

Or she couldn't 

I wonder 

How was I born?

Was there intimate, passionate, wild sex

Or did she just lay and was done in a couple minutes?

These just come up

When I try to find a partner,

Would I be like Maa?

Or would I dive in head first in the pool of love

never to unlove him

I knew precisely when I unloved

I looked up to him till the end of the world

seemed minuscule

Till I felt like a speck of the dust

in his presence

Till I felt in my bones

That he doesn't seem to have only me in his life

But someone else too.

Letter of Recommendation - Not your Regular LOR but recommend to fall in love!!!

This is a LOR for a friend who doubts himself. He loves someone, but it is sickening to see him wait. Hence, I wrote a LOR for his girl with a twist. If you like it, go - comment.

I highly recommend one of my best friends for you to evaluate, analyze and fall in love with. This isn’t coming out of ulterior motives, but by witnessing the insane love, he feels for you. Of course, you wouldn’t have any idea because you are far away, and he ensures I listen to his woes and worries daily. This isn’t an application but a glowing recommendation of the pros and cons of falling in love with my friend. As theysay, positives come first.

He is intense – like he gives 100%. Zero distractions. So you can be assured that once you say YES, he wouldn’t deviate. Even if it means he is sitting in a room full of hotties and babes. He would think of you and smile.

He is dedicated – like seriously, it is 2023. People are selfish and marking a niche for themselves. Who has time to sit with family, listen to nonsense, or make unlimited hospital tours? It is insane how he takes life with a pinch of salt and continues working. I am sure he never argued with his parents about the sacrificed dreams and hopes. My daughter does that – she is 17 (rolling eye smiley).

He is honest, like, “this is who I am, honest.” He cannot sugarcoat things. Don’t expect him to boost your spirits unnecessarily. He wouldn’t do that, but he is the go-to person if you ever need someone to sit in silence. He wouldn’t advise you on how evil life is and how unfair it is. He will sit in silence till you feel, embrace what you have been through, and make peace with it.

He goes to church almost every Sunday – I wouldn’t do that myself. It’s not like religion and all. He is more of a spiritual person (I think so). Maybe he derives his strength from the Lord and seeks love and patience from his form.

He loves you intensely – for a person who never is vulnerable about his feelings, he has shared his doubts and fears with me. Of course, that makes me an awesome Friend, but that’s not the point. The point is he is constantly thinking of you and talking about you. When there is Tinder and Bumble, he waits for you to say YES, and that’s all that matters in the end. Doesn’t it?

Let's go to the Cons:

He is an Ass – he doesn’t know how to express himself. So you will have to learn to decipher the meaning of his smile, sigh, and expressions. Hell, he gives one-word answers to essay questions. I wonder how he cleared his engineering, given that one must write so much.

He is dedicated – like nothing can distract him from something he is doing. But you, my girl, are an exception. He will make time for you!

So, you see, he is all yours to evaluate. He was a laser-focused cold mother fucker before you ruined him (his words, not mine). Now, you know the impact you have on him. As a dear friend, I wholeheartedly recommend him to you, for all we have is one life, and let’s not waste overthinking and overanalyzing. Because I know he shall keep you happy and love you for the rest of his life.

Signing off A Dear Friend.

Do you?

When the stars shine the brightest and the night is insanely dark, I am illuminated by the thoughts of you. You were my dream come true. You were someone who completed the puzzle. You made me feel special. All the things I wanted to feel, you magically made me feel and experience those.

I wanted to be with you a little longer, a little something to put in my treasure box, a smile to capture when you wouldn't be around, a memory to reminiscence when I am alone on nights like these.

But things fell apart, never to get back. I lost you, somewhere in this mysterious world. Wondering, are you living or surviving? Does your smile now reach your eyes?  Do you still find the sunset beautiful and a drive in the woods a treat? Do you still stir the right amount of sugar in that cup of tea which was my addiction? ,Do you still listen to the classics of yesteryear to be lost in the mellifluous voices of the singers? Do you still sing and sway when you toss that omelette on the pan? 

Do you, like me, on darkened, starry nights think of the times we shared, the memories we made?

Do you still remember me?

Second Skin

The world has turned
from an orange colored
loin cloth
To Chiffon, Georgette
and Silks

The world has changed
from wisdom, joys
and laughter
to phony of smiles

The world shifted
from night outs
and laughter in pyjamas
to bodies draped
in layers of clothing
and faces full of make up

The world shifted
from loving a person
the way he is
to loving the
second skin
he adorned

For that decides
his destiny
his fate
and his journey
of making friends.

Humans or Refugees?

When I close my eyes

The ghosts from the future pose

I scream till my throat dries

And I am unable to cry

The eyes that were filled with love

Now have traces of helplessness

Anger, frustration and sadness

I eat and drink and sleep and wink

Without much of a blink

I sit and stare and stare and sit

And think of the bodies

Those were buried in the pit

I look at my hands

And wish to rewind

The time when they held hands

Not the time when they

Felt the bodies of the loved ones

For the last time

They play hide and seek with me

And all I want to do is to flee

Each day and night

The ghosts of the future

Ruins my sight

I sit beside the graves of

My loved ones

And realize that I have failed

Not won

Humanity have failed me

The borders are so intense

The pain so deep

That only in dreams

Could I hold my loved one

By taking a leap

I feel or I think I feel                             

I lost my right on my body and soul

Someone brutally cut a part of the whole

Snatched it and threw it away ruthlessly

Giving me a life time sentence of loneliness

Turning me into a man without my family